What’s love?

I want to believe that love exists and that it is real and beautiful, but today I feel like love isn’t real. The falling in love with someone and being in love with someone is  none other than the feeling of being comfortable and attracted to someone. You feel hurt when they hurt you because you loved the feeling of having someone you could trust to confide in. You were hurt because of being lied to or replaced, not because your heart broke.

The more I talk to guys, the more I find out that guys do not believe in falling in love. Maybe some do and I wish I could meet one, so I could talk to him about it. If most men do not believe in love, then are they just playing us so that we will stay with them?

But really what is the difference of loving someone and being in love with someone like that soulmate feeling. I never really thought I would be someone in love, until my ex and now I realize even then I wasn’t sure of him. I thought he loved me and I later found out it was all a lie. He has/had no feelings for me like he fooled me to think or he would not have broke my heart.

Maybe I thought I loved someone like that because he was my first love. I wonder if I will believe in falling in love again or will I just think a guy won’t ever want to be with me. They will only be with me until they find something better. That’s awful to say, but right now I have no dating hope. I like not being home sad that the guy I “love” isn’t showing me attention or isn’t communicating about anything like a boyfriend would. He never even openly talked about his past to me.

Do I get sad every now and then to not have anyone to cuddle up with a movie? Yeah, but I will be alright…I always am in the end.

xoxo

Tina

Love you all.

5/12/17

Since the semester is over, my focus will be at working out and making money to pay for next year. I am not going to skip working out for weeks because it’s time to get on track with my fitness goals. I am going to get that “Instagram model” fit body. I can’t wait to go to the gym for the first time since high school.

 

Anyone else done with school till the fall? What are you excited to accomplish now that you have some more time?

 

xo Tina

Accutane: Month 5 (Myorisan)

My month on it:       I was sick most of this month like every other month this year, but this weekend I was in the emergency room for acute bronchitis and asthma. I did skip a few days of the pill and that is why month 5 is so delayed. My dermatologist told me I could skip the medication, if I was feeling sick.

Symptoms:

  • Exhausted
  • Out of the loop
  • Nosebleeds
  • ?Some sadness? (this could just because of regular life events)
  • Worse immune system (My dermatologist said I shouldn’t be getting sick since my white blood cells are good.)
  • Dry lips

On to the photos…

April 6, 2017

April 7, 2017

April 18, 2017

May 2, 2017

** I used a sheet mask this morning, so it helped a lot with the redness I think.**

Products used:

  • Myorisan: 30mg in the morning and 20mg in the evening
  • Cetaphil lotion and moisturizer

Tips:

Follow these tips to not end up with a bad immune system like me.

  • Try to take your pills at a reasonable time. I would take my second pill sometimes at midnight and my morning pill in the afternoon. Stick to one schedule.
  • Eat fruits everyday.
  • Get your greens.
  • Drink more water than you normally would.
  • Stop the caffeine.
  • Go outside everyday.
  • Relax.

Note to self:

Stop telling your guy friends about your feelings about guys because they will not understand why you’re talking about it. Talk to a girl friend because she will relate with you more. Guys will think you’re overreacting and ask if “you’re okay” when really it just was on your mind and you wanted to get things off your chest. Guys will ask you what’d you see in that guy, but girls will feel for you.

 

-Tina

10 Things That Were Sweet Today

  1. Having dessert at work today for breakfast.
  2. Having a good turkey,  ham, and cheese sandwich made by my manager.
  3. My aunt telling me this morning that my makeup looked good.
  4. Someone telling me that they liked my name.
  5. Having supportive friends that wished I had less to stress about.
  6. Getting texts from my sister.
  7. Taking a nice shower that was relaxing.
  8. Starting to feel motivated a bit and doing homework at a new cafe.
  9. Having intellectual conversations with guys.
  10. Being told that I’m “super chill” as I write this.

 

What was the highlight of your day?

 

-Tina

 

 

 

Accutane: Month 3

I am taking 30mg and 20mg of Myorisan. I had to skip a few days at the end of month 3 because I was sick, but I finished all of month 3 medication and now I am on month 4.

February 3, 2017

February 7, 2017

Unfortunately I did not take more photos during month 3, but I will try to take more through the rest of the course.

Symptoms:

  • Dry lips (My face does not feel too dry, it actually feels normal and not super oily like it used to be.)
  • Redness of skin
  • Nose bleeds
  • I was coughing up blood when I was sick
  • Slight muscle aches
  • Slightly less focused

Products used:

  • Cetaphil lotion and moisturizer

 

Accutane: Month 3

This month I had to take the brand Myorisan, because Zenatane was on backorder.

I am taking one 30 mg pill in the morning and one 20 mg pill at night-time.

I usually take the pill with milk at night.

January 20, 2017

My skin does not feel super dry. My lips do get chapped, so I am using all sorts of lip balms. I feel that my lips look so much bigger now, so that’s cool. I am using the same products as previous months. I am experiencing occasional nose bleeds, which is not fun at all. I am not experiencing mood swings.